February 2012
25 posts
5 tags
I saw a specialist today.
He said he believes I’m showing severe signs of depression. He thinks I should go on an antidepressant and just watch to make sure my cutting or suicidal thoughts don’t get any worse.
Well, now this just fucking sucks.
Anonymous asked: I think you should tell them about your girlfriend, to be honest.
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I cut for attention.
But not for attention from tumblr. Not for attention from my friends. Not for attention from my brother. Not for attention from the teachers at school.
For the attention of my parents.
I don’t feel like they hear me. Like everything I’m saying is going in one ear and out the other. Like they don’t value my opinion, and that they can’t hear me...
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I’ve lost interest in my scars. They don’t hurt and they don’t look interesting.
Now I just want to fucking cut
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Before math class today, during lunch, I cut. I needed my fix. To me, cutting isn’t for punishment, because I’m not pretty or too fat, to me it’s like an addiction. I need my fix, just like cocaine or mariuana.
Then I went to math and saw blood leaking through my sleeve and went into a bit of a panic. Luckily, I sit in the back of the class, but I didn’t have a sweater,...
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How desperate do you have to be to start cutting at school?
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I've never reopened my cuts taking a shower....
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I found another blade.
But I can’t believe how much my arm still hurts after last night. For once, I might willingly go a night without cutting … but watching my blood is just so afflicting :/
Anonymous asked: I just dont know what to do anymore. my mom and dad hate me and everythings shit. where on my arms can i cut myself without cutting a vein or whatever thanks
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My mom sleeps on the couch to prevent me from using the kitchen knives to cut myself
Too bad she doesn’t know about the razors in my room.
adorkably-awkward asked: Hi. I wanted you to know that you’re beautiful and you don’t have to hurt yourself. If you think you’re alone, remember I love you. I’m always here if you want or need to talk. I understand how hard it is, I do. A lot of people say that, but I really mean it. You are so beautiful inside and out and you are so strong. You’re going to make it, it’s going to turn...
maggoats asked: please don't cut yourself. everything will be okay.
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I want to cut right now
Like, really badly
But I haven’t cut in so long, I almost forget what the pain feel likes
But the thoughts are just taking over my mind right now
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I hate when people write about their sufferings on Facebook.
If they actually knew what pain was, they wouldn’t be sharing it.
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Anyone got some good lies why I shouldn’t have to go swimming? Real reason is my cuts but anything else?
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Tonight I looked in the mirror
I thought I would see a girl
Naked
Instead; I saw a disgrace.
A girl called a disgrace by others
She called herself a disgrace
And wrote it on her arms
With a razor
And now, the only disgrace she sees
Is in the blood.
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I finally got a razor.
I’m so sick of kitchen knives.
Stole it out of a pencil sharpener.
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I wish I could sleep and never wake up.
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Where do you get your blades from for cutting?
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Now I feel cutting is not only to help relieve everything and my addiction at this point, but now I feel like I’m doing it just in spite of rebellion to my parents.
The list of why I cut just keeps getting longer.
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I’m having so many fucking mood swings I just don’t know what my brain even wants anymore.
At first when my mom brought up the idea of going to a mental facility I was like “No, I’m not a fucking crazy psycho who needs to be put into some room by herself” and regretted telling anyone I was cutting again. I hated the idea with everything I had.
Then, I sat around...
Confession Twenty-One:
confessions-of-acutter:
Sometimes I wish something would happen to me, some sort of freak accident. That way, nobody could say I committed suicide.
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I want to cut until my veins run dry.
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What part of “I don’t want to stop” don’t you understand?
January 2012
41 posts
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“Maybe crazy is preferable to staying strong when you just want to break down and...”
– Conner, pg. 28
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I keep scratching my arm hoping blood might come through, but it just gets numb …
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My parents want to “do something” about my cutting.
Meds. Hospital. Therapy. Doctors. Psychologists. Mental Hospitals.
All just makes me want to cut more. Who the fuck even decided that I wanted help? Who decided that I needed help? I don’t give a shit. I want to cut, deeper and deeper until the only reason Im in the hospital is because they’re trying to revive me from...
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My parents are thinking about putting me somewhere for a few months … like a mental hospital or something
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I don’t care that it doesn’t help. I don’t care that it causes more problems than it solves.
I want to keep cutting.
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11 times
They as deep as my other scars. As painful. But the difference is: last time I could stop. This time, I felt a rush.
Those will all be bright red in the morning
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Ive never been so reckless with my cutting.
I didn’t want to stop. And I kept going deeper. I just listened to the blade glide across my leg and wanted to keep going. Red spots were showing up but I just. Couldn’t. Stop.
Good night … maybe I’ll see you in the morning
I'm sad pretty much 100% of the time.
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I want to cut.
Everywhere. Not just my legs, but my arms and my chest and my stomach and my thighs. I just want to let the blood pour out tonight. I want to drain it all out.
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You think if I cut enough and cry to my guidance counselor I can get out of my fitness exam tomorrow?
I planned to cut anyways.
Reblog or Like this if you're a Self Harm blog. I...
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Here goes the one thing I’ve been dreading the most: the shower
Anonymous asked: I'm not one of those people who thinks as soon as you cut, you're going to kill youself. I've been cut for three years and never once wanted to die. But there's always other options other than cutting. Everyday you go without cutting, the stronger you are becoming and the farther away you are becoming from always doing this. I'm just trying to help <3 please don't...
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Because of distance
That’s the answer. To everyone who cares about me. They can’t do it.
Because of distance.
Anonymous asked: Maybe you`re just really good at hiding it. But whether or not they notice, there are still people who can help you. I`m here to talk. There`s your therapist. There`s helplines. Just please, don`t give up.
Anonymous asked: Hey, don't give up. There are people who care about you. It's not worth it. Keep pushing and trying your best to be strong :)
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What’re some quick/easy way to get a hold of blades?
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How would my friends react if I just … you know … tried a cigarette? Just tried.
It’s not like trying a cigarette is any worse than my cutting anyways
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Maybe buying a book about cutting wasnt a good idea after all
Now I just want to skip class, just go without and sit in my room quietly with a razor and mark up my skin, make my blood run. Live in a world where no one cares, not even myself.
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I hate when people use disorders for attention
Very few people know that I cut outside of tumblr. Girlfriend, best friend, therapist, parents, brother and the leader of our school’s gay-straight alliance. That’s 7 people plus the people on tumblr.
There’s a girl in the group of 3 people I hang out with the most, she enjoys telling everyone about her eating disorder. I do mean EVERY BODY. I’m amazed she doesn’t...
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I can't wait for second semester
When I don’t have gym. I can wear long sleeve shirts. Not just for cuts.
I haven’t done quote writing for a long time. I used to write things in pen on my arms and stuff to stop me from cutting. Sometimes happy quotes, sometimes depressing. It stopped me from cutting because the sensible person in me was like “That could get infected if the ink gets into the cuts”
...
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I don't get this shit
About two hours ago, I was extremely happy. I was jumping around and singing and smiling and everything.
Then an hour later, I got super horny.
Then a few minutes ago, I got extremely depressed and cut myself again, 3 times on my leg
What the fuck is this. I need to see a fucking psychiatrist or something, but I don’t want to tell my parents about the shit that’s going down in my...
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I don't know what hurts more; the cut or the...
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I don’t understand why I cut sometimes. My mom used to always ask me why I cut. I just told her: “I don’t know.” I just feel like I need to.
My therapists asks the same. Why do I feel like a disappointment to my parents, my friends, my family? Because I am a disappointment. There’s no if’s, and’s or but’s about that. I just have this constant...