I’m having so many fucking mood swings I just don’t know what my brain even wants anymore.

At first when my mom brought up the idea of going to a mental facility I was like “No, I’m not a fucking crazy psycho who needs to be put into some room by herself” and regretted telling anyone I was cutting again. I hated the idea with everything I had.

Then, I sat around going “Maybe this is a good idea. Maybe do this before I cut too deep or swallow some bleach or even the wood shiner next to my bed.”

And then, back to the way before thinking “No, fuck this shit. I’m not dropping out of school just because I like watching my own blood. I’m not dealing with this shit.”

And then I drop farther and think “My entire life has just been a huge fuck up. I’ve never made a single good decision in my life and Im not going anywhere. Maybe I should just finish myself off.”

I just don’t know what to do anymore